"I don't want realism. I want magic!"

Things are not boding well in the house of Molly.

Yes, summer is finally here, but with that comes with the never ending playing of "School's Out" by Alice Cooper on the radio, which as much as I tolerate Alice Cooper, becomes a bit grating after awhile.

In addition to this disgusting heat that The Devil brings with him in the summer time, there has also been a bitchload of humidity. I bet you didn't even know that humidity was measured in bitchloads. There, you've learned enough for the summer.

My dearest and darlingest friend Shayna has forayed into the world of men, and by that I mean she slept with her boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 weeks. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my best friend. Let's give her a round of applause.

Anyways, on the opposite end of the Guy Spectrum, my friend Ebony has been complaining about how she doesn't have a boyfriend. Our conversation last night:
Ebony: What is with all of the jerks in our schools??? Why are all the good-looking ones such bastards???

Me: What about the ones that aren't good looking?

Ebony: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, why do you only flirt with the cute guys? Why don't you give the other ones a chance? They're usually the nicest.

Ebony: *slowly* ...because they're ugly.

Me: Okay, listen to me very carefully. Let's say that there was this SUPER nice guy who really liked you, and he was ridiculously smart, very funny, and a great kisser...would you date him?

Ebony: Is he good looking?

Me: No.

Ebony: Then no.

Me: *strangles her through phone* Ebony...you need to give non-cute guys a chance. The attractive ones are assholes. Just talk to some ugly guys and get to know them. You'll have a boyfriend soon enough.


*Ebony's head explodes at my logic*



That's LITERALLY how it went down.

Wow, I just took a three day break from that last sentence to this one.

There is a perfectly good reason for that, too. I was grounded. Impounded against my will, if you please. And it's not even like...a cool reason why I was grounded, not like I snuck out and partied with college kids, or stole a car or held up an ice cream stand or anything like that. I was late for my curfew by TEN minutes. Sheesh.

If you must know, I was with Andrew at his sister's house, and we were just cuddling and arguing over which Dumbledore is better, the one from the first two movies or the new one (NOTE: THE NEW ONE) and I lost track of time and got in trouble for it.

I haven't really talked to any of my friends except for Andrew since summer started. Let's see if I can keep it up.

Holy hell, did you hear that Michael Jackson just died? I will go listen to Billie Jean in his honor.

Don't tell me there's no hope at all

[Eddie ~ The Rocky Horror Picture Show]

Look children! ANOTHER entry in THE SAME MONTH. This should be documented. Go on, take a picture. Pick up a t-shirt at the gift-shop, tell your friends, Tweet it or whatever the hell you kids do nowadays.

[Eight Days A Week ~ The Beatles]

Anyways, I just got back from an awesome time with Andrew. I was with Danielle and Jonathan too, BUT MOSTLY ANDREW. He's sick, so my plan to tackle, tie up, and make out with him was a bit foiled. Oh, and I'm sure that Danielle and Jonathan would have minded. Maybe. I don't know.

[Eleanor Rigby ~ The Beatles]

We went to Danielle's house to work on our history project, but ended up just playing capitalism and hearts AND GETTING THEIR ASS KICKED BY ME. Hahaha, I'm so good at cards. Plus, it was helping that Andrew was going easy on me...*giggles*

[Elephant Love Medly ~ from Moulin Rouge]

We drove him home and my parents were being all awkward like they are. My dad especially. He gets weird when he sees Andrew holding my hand. I like to imagine that he reaches for his gun at his hip, but he doesn't carry it when he's not in uniform. Obviously. (He's a cop, for those of you that are a bit slow on the uptake.)

Next week is the last week of school, which is ridiculous. School should have ended about two weeks ago, because we haven't learned ANYTHING since AP exams. Plus, we're already HALFWAY through June...or we will be when the school year is over.

[Fall to Pieces ~ Avril Lavigne (yes, I still listen to Avril Lavigne. Shut your mouth.)]

In Trevor and Shayna news (My favorite kind!!!), I hung out with them last Saturday. Biggest mistake of my life. Honestly. They didn't even talk to me ONCE while I was there! We went for a walk, and I was about eight feet in front of them the whole time. They were behind me, giggling, kissing, giving my lunch an encore...you know the way. It was SO obnoxious.

First off, I can't stand seeing anything all cutesy like that ANYWHERE. Not in movies, not in books, not in reality, which unfortuneately, is where I was. We passed people walking their dogs/toddlers on leashes and they all gave me that sympathetic "Oh, look who the third wheel is... I bet she doesn't even have a boyfriend...probably why she hangs out with them all the time". I hate that look. And I do have a boyfriend kind of!

[Fat Bottomed Girls ~ Queen]

I had therapy on Monday ("A check-up from the neck-up!" as I like to say), and this is how it went. (Actually, I happen to like my therapist very much, she's just very blunt.)

Me: Hi Sharon!

Sharon: Hello, Molly. Where did we leave off last time?

Me: I think we were talking about my insecurity, emotional masochism, inability to say 'no' and severe depression. By the way, am I paying you by the hour, or by the problem?

Sharon: Oh, you're a quick one! Technically, YOU'RE not paying anything, your parents are.

Me: Touche.

Sharon: So, do you think that you can't refuse people because you are completely unsatisfied with your life and you want your friends to like you?

Me: *stunned silence*

Sharon: I have that effect on people.

Me: And modest too! Wow, you're everything!

She's really nice. I might not shank her with a rolled-up piece of paper. (Seriously though, my brother rolled up a program to one of his concerts, stabbed me with it, and drew blood.)

I'm going to go watch Star Wars now. Number 4, not any of the wimpy ass new ones.

I should really not have a CAPS LOCK key. I'm an addict.

"Oh look, we have created enchantment"

~ Vivien Leigh in "A Streetcar Named Desire"

"Dammit, I'm eating pretzels!"

My eye won't stop twitching.

Thought that would be a good way to get the ball rolling, since I haven't been on here in forever.

Now that I've successfully broken the ice, you might wonder: what is up with me? Probably not, but I'll tell you anyways. I swore I wouldn't blog until Andrew kissed me, so I'd have something to talk about, but since that seems unlikely in the near future, I broke down and ran to my computer.

Me and Andrew hang out almost every weekend now, in case you wanted to know. Even if you didn't, you just did because you already read it. Hah. Anyways, we hold hands and cuddle, but nothing more than that, much to my hormones' dismay. We're working on a history project now, but whenever he comes over to my house to work on it, we end up watching "The Great Mouse Detective" and cuddling.

I would be angrier about not getting anything done if he wasn't so damn cute.

Shayna has successfully broken another boy's heart (Michael) and gotten a new boy toy that goes by the name of Trevor. To appreciate how fast she works, she broke up with Michael on a Friday, and had Trevor wrapped around her finger by Tuesday morning. My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.

Unfortunately for me, Michael has my phone number. I know, trust me. So this is how our conversations go: (for the best effect, picture Michael drunk, because that's usually how he is when he calls me)

Me: Hello?

Michael: *slurring* Hey Molly.

Me: Are you drunk?

*sounds of puking*

Michael: A bit...she did this to me, you know.

Me: Michael, everyone knows. You've told the whole school.

Michael: *indignant* Well she did!

Me: I realize this. What do you want me to do about it?

Michael: Talk to her. Tell her how awful she treated me.

Me: Yeah, sure. Then I'll go carve my heart out with a wooden spoon.

Michael: *hangs up phone*

It's tons of fun, especially when he calls me back 15 minutes later, because he doesn't remember that he just called me! Can't you just see how exciting this is?!

To add to all this joy and love, Shayna has decided to become friends with her ex, Alex, again. I don't know if you know this, but Alex is the biggest bastard in the history of the world. I hate him. HATE. And she expects me to be friends with him, too! She wants me to hang out with her, Trevor, and Alex this weekend! And I probably will, because I have no spine!

Alex was standing with Shayna in the hallway this morning when Andrew and I walked by. This is a snippet of the conversation we had:

Me: Hi Shayna!

Shayna: Hi Molly-best-friend-ever! And look Alex, she's with Andrew! He hates me. *frowny face*

Andrew: *quietly, thoroughly embarrassed* No I don't.

Shayna: Yes you do. Anyways, Molly, I want you to be friends with Alex again.

Alex: Yeah, you should be.

Me: *without thinking* I would be, but you're too busy date-raping freshman girls. Sorry.

Andrew: *grins, then drags me out of there*

So that's how that shit went down. I can't believe her sometimes.

I have to go get Quinci a birthday present, so I'll respond to comments later.

"As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about."

~ Simon Pegg in "Shawn of the Dead"