Wish You Were Here

Don't look so frightened this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days

2009-07-09T03:00:00.000-07:00

It's biblical how fucked up my sleep can be.

I have no idea where that's from, but I saw it on an icon, and because I can't think of anything that true on my own, I stole it and am now using it for my own fucked-up sleep purposes.

Seriously folks, I woke up crying. Not only did I have one freaky-ass dream, I had THREE of them. THREE.

Dream One: I'm on a boat with my brother, and a freak storm knocks the boat over, throwing us into the ocean. I cling onto a piece of wood next to my brother, and wait for survivors/rescuers/sharks to start gnawing on our legs. I fall asleep in the water, and I wake up on a boat, my brother no where in sight. I ask the people who save me where he is; they tell me that I was the only one in the water when they sailed up. (That was an excellent use of a semicolon, by the way)

This dream transitions right into the next terror inducing one:

Dream Two: I'm leading Elton John (and why the hell wouldn't he be in my house? We're on a first-name basis, me and Elton) up to my room to show him how kick-ass it is. (READER'S NOTE: My walls are each a different color, and all my hubcaps are hung up. I have a HUGE Pink Floyd poster up on one of the walls, and the rest of them are covered with pictures, posters, notes and comic strips.) I get to my room, and my mom is there, ripping everything down and painting the walls white. My therapist told me that this means I'm afraid of conformity. Why can't I be afraid of normal things, like clowns or Canadians?

This dream ends with me crying in front of Elton John and goes right into me standing in a courtyard at my school.

Dream Three (The totally fucked up one): I'm walking to meet Andrew, and I see him across the courtyard. He waves half-heartedly and kind of smiles in that way that you smile at people you don't like. Confused, I walk over over to him to ask him what's wrong. Then I see that he has his arms wrapped around Shayna (my best friend, for those of you who are new to this blog) I ask him (shout at him) what the hell he's doing. Shayna turns to me and sneers, "I told you I could get any guy in the school. Even the one who supposedly "likes" you. He's been mine from the beginning".

Being the reasonable and calm person that I am, I punch her in the face. Then I curb-stomp him (this is from too much time playing video-games) and shout every single time that Shayna has treated me like dirt. A crowd gathers. Andrew stands up behind me and I whirl around and punch him in the face. I storm away, crying, and I finally wake up.

WTF. What is wrong with me???

Anyways, I hope you all noticed my lovely new layout. It took me damn well three hours to get it all sorted out, so I'm expecting lots of marvelous and wonderful comments singing glorious praise for it.

I was going to continue this entry with a gushing fountain of affection for Andrew, but I'm a bit tired. So maybe tomorrow. Oh, and I'll also post my story that I've been writing up.

"You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else."

~Brad Pitt in "Fight Club"

"I don't want realism. I want magic!"

2009-06-25T19:33:00.000-07:00

Things are not boding well in the house of Molly.

Yes, summer is finally here, but with that comes with the never ending playing of "School's Out" by Alice Cooper on the radio, which as much as I tolerate Alice Cooper, becomes a bit grating after awhile.

In addition to this disgusting heat that The Devil brings with him in the summer time, there has also been a bitchload of humidity. I bet you didn't even know that humidity was measured in bitchloads. There, you've learned enough for the summer.

My dearest and darlingest friend Shayna has forayed into the world of men, and by that I mean she slept with her boyfriend of 3 and 1/2 weeks. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my best friend. Let's give her a round of applause.

Anyways, on the opposite end of the Guy Spectrum, my friend Ebony has been complaining about how she doesn't have a boyfriend. Our conversation last night:
Ebony: What is with all of the jerks in our schools??? Why are all the good-looking ones such bastards???

Me: What about the ones that aren't good looking?

Ebony: What do you mean?

Me: I mean, why do you only flirt with the cute guys? Why don't you give the other ones a chance? They're usually the nicest.

Ebony: *slowly* ...because they're ugly.

Me: Okay, listen to me very carefully. Let's say that there was this SUPER nice guy who really liked you, and he was ridiculously smart, very funny, and a great kisser...would you date him?

Ebony: Is he good looking?

Me: No.

Ebony: Then no.

Me: *strangles her through phone* Ebony...you need to give non-cute guys a chance. The attractive ones are assholes. Just talk to some ugly guys and get to know them. You'll have a boyfriend soon enough.

*Ebony's head explodes at my logic*

That's LITERALLY how it went down.

Wow, I just took a three day break from that last sentence to this one.

There is a perfectly good reason for that, too. I was grounded. Impounded against my will, if you please. And it's not even like...a cool reason why I was grounded, not like I snuck out and partied with college kids, or stole a car or held up an ice cream stand or anything like that. I was late for my curfew by TEN minutes. Sheesh.

If you must know, I was with Andrew at his sister's house, and we were just cuddling and arguing over which Dumbledore is better, the one from the first two movies or the new one (NOTE: THE NEW ONE) and I lost track of time and got in trouble for it.

I haven't really talked to any of my friends except for Andrew since summer started. Let's see if I can keep it up.

Holy hell, did you hear that Michael Jackson just died? I will go listen to Billie Jean in his honor.

Don't tell me there's no hope at all

2009-06-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

[Eddie ~ The Rocky Horror Picture Show]

Look children! ANOTHER entry in THE SAME MONTH. This should be documented. Go on, take a picture. Pick up a t-shirt at the gift-shop, tell your friends, Tweet it or whatever the hell you kids do nowadays.

[Eight Days A Week ~ The Beatles]

Anyways, I just got back from an awesome time with Andrew. I was with Danielle and Jonathan too, BUT MOSTLY ANDREW. He's sick, so my plan to tackle, tie up, and make out with him was a bit foiled. Oh, and I'm sure that Danielle and Jonathan would have minded. Maybe. I don't know.

[Eleanor Rigby ~ The Beatles]

We went to Danielle's house to work on our history project, but ended up just playing capitalism and hearts AND GETTING THEIR ASS KICKED BY ME. Hahaha, I'm so good at cards. Plus, it was helping that Andrew was going easy on me...*giggles*

[Elephant Love Medly ~ from Moulin Rouge]

We drove him home and my parents were being all awkward like they are. My dad especially. He gets weird when he sees Andrew holding my hand. I like to imagine that he reaches for his gun at his hip, but he doesn't carry it when he's not in uniform. Obviously. (He's a cop, for those of you that are a bit slow on the uptake.)

Next week is the last week of school, which is ridiculous. School should have ended about two weeks ago, because we haven't learned ANYTHING since AP exams. Plus, we're already HALFWAY through June...or we will be when the school year is over.

[Fall to Pieces ~ Avril Lavigne (yes, I still listen to Avril Lavigne. Shut your mouth.)]

In Trevor and Shayna news (My favorite kind!!!), I hung out with them last Saturday. Biggest mistake of my life. Honestly. They didn't even talk to me ONCE while I was there! We went for a walk, and I was about eight feet in front of them the whole time. They were behind me, giggling, kissing, giving my lunch an encore...you know the way. It was SO obnoxious.

First off, I can't stand seeing anything all cutesy like that ANYWHERE. Not in movies, not in books, not in reality, which unfortuneately, is where I was. We passed people walking their dogs/toddlers on leashes and they all gave me that sympathetic "Oh, look who the third wheel is... I bet she doesn't even have a boyfriend...probably why she hangs out with them all the time". I hate that look. And I do have a boyfriend kind of!

[Fat Bottomed Girls ~ Queen]

I had therapy on Monday ("A check-up from the neck-up!" as I like to say), and this is how it went. (Actually, I happen to like my therapist very much, she's just very blunt.)

Me: Hi Sharon!

Sharon: Hello, Molly. Where did we leave off last time?

Me: I think we were talking about my insecurity, emotional masochism, inability to say 'no' and severe depression. By the way, am I paying you by the hour, or by the problem?

Sharon: Oh, you're a quick one! Technically, YOU'RE not paying anything, your parents are.

Me: Touche.

Sharon: So, do you think that you can't refuse people because you are completely unsatisfied with your life and you want your friends to like you?

Me: *stunned silence*

Sharon: I have that effect on people.

Me: And modest too! Wow, you're everything!

She's really nice. I might not shank her with a rolled-up piece of paper. (Seriously though, my brother rolled up a program to one of his concerts, stabbed me with it, and drew blood.)

I'm going to go watch Star Wars now. Number 4, not any of the wimpy ass new ones.

I should really not have a CAPS LOCK key. I'm an addict.

"Oh look, we have created enchantment"

~ Vivien Leigh in "A Streetcar Named Desire"

"Dammit, I'm eating pretzels!"

2009-06-04T14:06:00.000-07:00

My eye won't stop twitching.

Thought that would be a good way to get the ball rolling, since I haven't been on here in forever.

Now that I've successfully broken the ice, you might wonder: what is up with me? Probably not, but I'll tell you anyways. I swore I wouldn't blog until Andrew kissed me, so I'd have something to talk about, but since that seems unlikely in the near future, I broke down and ran to my computer.

Me and Andrew hang out almost every weekend now, in case you wanted to know. Even if you didn't, you just did because you already read it. Hah. Anyways, we hold hands and cuddle, but nothing more than that, much to my hormones' dismay. We're working on a history project now, but whenever he comes over to my house to work on it, we end up watching "The Great Mouse Detective" and cuddling.

I would be angrier about not getting anything done if he wasn't so damn cute.

Shayna has successfully broken another boy's heart (Michael) and gotten a new boy toy that goes by the name of Trevor. To appreciate how fast she works, she broke up with Michael on a Friday, and had Trevor wrapped around her finger by Tuesday morning. My best friend, ladies and gentlemen.

Unfortunately for me, Michael has my phone number. I know, trust me. So this is how our conversations go: (for the best effect, picture Michael drunk, because that's usually how he is when he calls me)

Me: Hello?

Michael: *slurring* Hey Molly.

Me: Are you drunk?

*sounds of puking*

Michael: A bit...she did this to me, you know.

Me: Michael, everyone knows. You've told the whole school.

Michael: *indignant* Well she did!

Me: I realize this. What do you want me to do about it?

Michael: Talk to her. Tell her how awful she treated me.

Me: Yeah, sure. Then I'll go carve my heart out with a wooden spoon.

Michael: *hangs up phone*

It's tons of fun, especially when he calls me back 15 minutes later, because he doesn't remember that he just called me! Can't you just see how exciting this is?!

To add to all this joy and love, Shayna has decided to become friends with her ex, Alex, again. I don't know if you know this, but Alex is the biggest bastard in the history of the world. I hate him. HATE. And she expects me to be friends with him, too! She wants me to hang out with her, Trevor, and Alex this weekend! And I probably will, because I have no spine!

Alex was standing with Shayna in the hallway this morning when Andrew and I walked by. This is a snippet of the conversation we had:

Me: Hi Shayna!

Shayna: Hi Molly-best-friend-ever! And look Alex, she's with Andrew! He hates me. *frowny face*

Andrew: *quietly, thoroughly embarrassed* No I don't.

Shayna: Yes you do. Anyways, Molly, I want you to be friends with Alex again.

Alex: Yeah, you should be.

Me: *without thinking* I would be, but you're too busy date-raping freshman girls. Sorry.

Andrew: *grins, then drags me out of there*

So that's how that shit went down. I can't believe her sometimes.

I have to go get Quinci a birthday present, so I'll respond to comments later.

"As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Anagram of meat is team... I don't know what he's talking about."

~ Simon Pegg in "Shawn of the Dead"

Does anybody else in here feel the way I do?

2009-05-12T17:06:00.000-07:00

[I Am The Walrus ~ The Beatles]

I saw Star Trek this weekend with Andrew, and let me tell you, IT KICKED SERIOUS ASS. SERIOUS. The movie, not the date with Andrew, although that was enjoyable too.

Nothing happened between me and Andrew; nothing physical at least. Well, because we both sit like sluts: with our legs wide open, our knees touched during the movie. And that's it. What a fail.

[I Don't Like Mondays ~ The Boomtown Rats]

After our little rendez-vous, I went home and had a dream about him. In my dream, we were sitting on my couch in the basement and watching Lord of the Rings, because we're awesome. All of sudden he's sitting next to me (That's what's great about my dreams: I can just fast forward through the awkward parts) and he has his arms wrapped around me and I'm leaning against him.

Then he starts kissing my head and my forehead and pulling my closer to him (since I'm still leaning against him and not actually facing him) and I'm totally jazzed about it. I try to turn around to kiss him on the mouth, but he keeps turning be back around and laughing, and telling me to be patient. I get angry and start swearing, which he finds adorable.

[I Don't Love You ~ My Chemical Romance]

I finally get my lower back twisted enough so that I can kiss him, but I can't seem to reach him. Something is blocking my mouth, and I can't breathe. I wake up face down in my pillow, with half of the accursed thing down my throat.

I have drawn two conclusions from this:

1.) My subconscious has been unsuccessful in its attempts to kill me, so it finally planted a dream in my mind that would keep me occupied enough so I wouldn't wake up and notice that I was slowly choking myself.

2.) Even in my dreams, I CAN'T GET ANY FUCKING ACTION!!!

What is this?! MY dreams, the ones that are supposed to reflect MY desires, the ones that are supposed to let me play out MY scenarios, won't let me kiss him. This is not good.

[I Should Have Known Better ~ The Beatles]

I got a haircut, and to imagine it, picture Spock. Now give him about four inch choppy extensions and make it red. That's me, in a nutshell. "But Molly, shouldn't you have also said 'make the bangs longer'?" And I would answer with "No, because THEY ARE TOO DAMN SHORT! LIKE SPOCK'S!". And then I'd go and cry.

[I Want to Hold Your Hand ~ The Beatles]

My hair actually looks quite disgusting, so I try to pin it up, but no one is fooled. You can't hide an ugly haircut. It's like trying to hide Sarah Conner from the Terminator; you just can't do it.

[I Won't Say I'm in Love ~ from Hercules]

I have my AP World History exam at 8 in the morning on Thursday, and this has not quite registered with me, since I can barely function at even 10 in the morning, and taking an EXAM seems like a really obnoxious thing to do to someone. However, Friday I get to go with AOS to KING'S DOMINION!!! WOO.

[If I Fell ~ The Beatles]

However, this is a downside to this, since this girl I HATE, I mean, I loathe her, is in our group for the field trip. How does this happen, you say? And I say sit down and shut the hell up and let me finish the story.

So, this girl is completely bonkers; not playing with a full deck; a few screws loose; ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MENTAL; etc., and I don't like to talk with her. Anyways, I'm the only one polite enough to fake listen to her when she goes on and on. She has dreams about Naruto characters, and then she draws out the stories in her notebook. I don't care who you are, if you have dreams about Naruto characters, you seek help IMMEDIATELY.

So she was blabbing away about this and about how her alternate ego slays vampires and shit, and then OUT OF NOWHERE, she casually slips in, "So, I'm going to be in your group for the field trip, right?" And me, not catching the way this conversation suddenly turned, kept nodding and saying "sure", which I had been doing for quite some time beforehand.

[Imagine ~ John Lennon]

Not realizing my mistake, I had just inadvertantly agreed to six hours of the most horrendous torture. Dammit.

I better go study for my exam now. If I survive, I'll write more later.

"Reincarnation is my only hope"

2009-04-29T21:25:00.001-07:00

The longer I kept the picture of myself up there, the less I liked it. I didn't really like it that much to begin with, but that was the only one of me that I can find that doesn't make me look like an unfortunate case of inbreeding.

I haven't been online in about forever and a day, so that's why I haven't responded to any comments that I have received, even though I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of them to get to. Yeah, uh-huh.

Because I am the one supreme master of Youtube, I managed to watch almost all of Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street online. I must say, I was quite let down, because I have had multitudes of Tim Burton fans tell me how utterly spectacular this movie was. I realized later that Tim Burton could film the capture and gutting of a kitten and call it a movie, but as long as he showed Helena Bonham Carter and/or Johnny Depp partaking in this act, Tim Burton fans would hail it as the greatest film of all time.

Anyways, my computer wouldn't load one of the scenes, so I went from that stupid ass hammerhead shark boy Anthony saving that blonde alien from the asylum to Alan Rickman lying dead on the floor (!!!) and Johnny Depp leaning over his newly-dead (?) wife. If someone could explain to me what I missed, I would be very grateful.

I pulled an all-nighter on Thursday night, so I was dead Friday. Not that anyone really noticed, because I'm usually grumpy and resemble death warmed over at school. I had an English research paper and a science research paper due the next day, and I didn't start any of them until about 11 that night. The English paper took my until three in the morning (with an hour and a half break to watch Sweeny Todd).

At three, I decided to take another break, and was searching Youtube for more videos for me to enjoy. My friend Holly (who's in my science class) was staying up all night on her paper, so I texted her the whole night. When I decided that I needed a break at three, I texted her and said "Holly, tell me not to watch all of Sense and Sensibility online tonight, because if I do, I will have to go on an all-out Alan Rickman binge". She didn't text me back because she fell asleep (weakling!) so I was forced to spend and hour going on an all-out Alan Rickman binge because no one told me not to. God how I love that man.

Andrew asked me to hang out with him last night, so of course I was at his house in about three and half seconds (I would have been there in three, but some old woman DARED get in the way of my car). We actually hung out at his sister's house which is about three doors down from his. His sister and her husband are SO FREAKIN' FUNNY, and Andrew is even funnier when he's with them. We watched "True Lies" on TV and then "The Uninvited" on DVD, which we made fun of mercilessly.

When we were watching True Lies, we saw a commercial for a realty agency, and it said "Let our agents talk to you". I misheard and thought they said "Let our Asians talk to you" which made me laugh like the horrible racist I am. I told Andrew and he said "Please buy our houses...if you don't, they take our shoes away". That caused my soda to make a second appearance out through my nose.

He asked me to go for a walk with him today, but my parents were being completely sadistic and made me clean my room and do homework instead. I'm sure that if I HAD gone out with him, he would have held my hand and asked me out officially. *fury*

When I was on the bus to AOS one day, my friend Jonathan told me that ever since Andrew found out that I liked him, his artwork has gotten a lot better. "Maybe you're his muse!" said Jonathan. "I hope you weren't the muse for that giant spider he was drawing in Spanish class" said Quinci, always the beacon of support.

Philip drew a giant Dark Mark on my arm and his, but he made it adorable, so now the skull looks like a friendly Hello Kitty skull and the snake coming out of the mouth is quite the cutie. We touched pencils to each other's mark and made our arms wriggle like they do in the movie. My math teacher looked at us for a second, then sighed. She doesn't understand.

Nicholas Angel: All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?
Danny Butterman: He's fuck-ugly.
Nicholas Angel: Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.
Danny Butterman: 'Cause he's fuck-ugly.

~ From "Hot Fuzz" (my new favorite movie)

How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?

2009-04-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

Picture time!!!

I hope you all appreciate that it took me a half hour to figure out to put this picture up. I spent twenty minutes just copy/pasting. This is what I was like : "What?! How DARE it not work! I'll just copy it AGAIN! See how you like THAT, computer! THE NERVE YOU HAVE!"

Dammit, I just noticed that the title makes it sound like I'm totally cocky and a bitch about how I look. Oh well. I like the song that I got it from.

Anyways, that's me. Up there, in the picture, that is. I guess the red hair and the Luna Lovegood look might have tipped you off.

In AOS, we just finished with chemical equilibrium and now we're diving into the fascinating topic of ROCKS. OH BOY. Of course, my partner is Kale, who if you all remember is the one whose first words to me were "What type of gaming system do you prefer? I'm a nintendo boy myself".

Me: "So you like to play with your Wii?"

Ah, yes, I'm sure you all remember him. As luck would have it, I was partnered with him, and we had to test the hardness of minerals.

Me: *after some deliberation* This one's hardness is a 4.

Kale: Give it to me. *snatches* *does some tests* ...It's a 4.

Me: I JUST told you that.

Kale: You know what's stupid?

Me: I can't even imagine.

Kale: The name Molly.

Me: Yeah? Isn't kale a type of lettuce or something?

This goes on for an hour until I just grab the box of the stupid rocks and hit him over the head with it.

Andrew asked me to hang out with him this weekend, but alas! I am going out of town to some wedding reception. Not the wedding, no. The wedding PARTY. They got married in November, and the party is NOW? Christ on a cracker. This means a six hour car ride with my little brother, who always wants to play the "Ow Game". The rules are simple: whoever can make the other one say "ow" first wins. This means that you are allowed to use a variety of weapons, such as fists, feet, and frozen fishes if you have them.

Also, I have to share the fold out bed in the hotel with him, and my brother fights ninjas when he sleeps. I was drifting in and out of sleep when I heard him go "Welcome to the karate state championships!" in his sleep. I didn't think much of it until I got a karate chop across my stomach, followed by a knee kick to my ribs.

I'm going to go update my profile now. Go have a look!

"It's a Zen thing...like how many babies fit in a tire. You know that old joke?"

~Christopher Guest in "Waiting for Guffman"

"Maggots, Michael. You're eating maggots. How do they taste?"

2009-04-16T15:24:00.000-07:00

I apologize for my last entry that was made of fail. I will try not to drown this one in waves upon waves of self pity.

I know that I commented some of you and told you that Andrew is my boyfriend. He is.......

....he just doesn't know it yet.

Alright, so he said that he doesn't want people to be putting a label on "this special thing that we have". Whatever the hell that means.

Anyways, he came over on Saturday, and we watched movies and giggled like a bunch of sixth grade girls at a sleepover. He stayed for dinner and I'm surprised that he didn't go running for the hills when he actually sat down with my family. He had to meet my aunt, who I absolutely LOATHE with every fiber of my being.

No one told me that she was coming over on the day that Andrew was coming!

*the doorbell rings*
"I'll get it!" I shout, as I bound down the stairs, hoping it's my book that I ordered.
*opens the door*
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

That was pretty much how I was informed of her visit.

She has these two little ratdogs that my hamsters could take in a fight and she carries them everywhere with her, occasionally stopping to tongue kiss them and tell them how special they are. Also, she has achieved the elusive status of being wider than she is tall. It's actually quite impressive.

My spring break was pretty uneventful. No meteors hit my house, no convicted felons tried to take me hostage, no animals escaped from the zoo and mauled my arm... pretty much a boring break.

Then I got back to school and realized that I would much rather take boring than the stupidity at my school. There's this girl Bailey who thinks that we have this deep psychological connection because we both have red hair and own the exact same necklace that our mom gave to us from the 70's. Every health class she asks me to come smoke dope with her, so we can "totally connect on a whole new plane...it'll be awesome, sister". I politely declined and told her that I was busy that day shoving rusty tweezers into my eye.

Speaking of health class, I hate it. Every day, this is what happens.

Stupid person next to me: Hey, Molly! Give me the answers, now.
Me: No. Do it yourself.
SPNTM: You're a bitch!
Me: Well, you're an idiot!

So that's fun. Plus, my teacher lectures us on the evil of caffeine and how drinking it will DESTROY OUR BODIES. It's only because he's a Mormon and he's bitter at the world because he's not allowed to drink caffeine. Or maybe it's just that he's an asshole. I don't know.

I have to go to an AOS orientation thing today for the 8th graders who got into the school, and I get to be a guide for the little peons. Can you believe that my math teacher had the audacity to tell me to behave myself?

I get such a power rush wielding my superior knowledge of the inner-workings of the Academy over the underlings. I could become addicted to it.

My new favorite word: Vapid.

These asphixiated, self medicated, take the white pill, you'll feel alright

2009-04-14T19:15:00.001-07:00

Much apologies for my long and uneventful absence. The sharp claws of spring break had pulled me brutally into its grasp and it was a hard fight to escape the state of mind that it put me in.

I must warn you of the content of this entry. I am not in a humorous or satirical mood, but one of pondering. Comments will not be returned today, and the epic of my spring break will have to be told another time. If you have come to view my style of writing as always witty and entertaining, come back later, for today is a solemn day.

The topics I discuss will most likely bore you, but as I have nowhere else to write freely, this will have to do.

I have been thinking constantly of Andrew, and failing to understand the strange and freakish pull I have towards him. I do not feel this way about people. I like to think that I am above such trivial feelings. To me, most people are stupid, vain creatures that I have no desire to consort with.

He is different. I have felt it since the moment I walked into fourth period AP World History and saw him sitting calmly in his desk, unaware of the effect he had on me.

The more I get to know him, the more perfect he is to me. The fact that he knows and loves the movies that are so important to me; the way his eyebrows raise right before he says something devastatingly funny or uncannily brilliant; the way his blue eyes laugh whenever he sees me, as if we are in together on some brilliant joke that no one else knows.

Even now, writing these things, they feel less special now that they are out in the open and other people know. Words diminish these things that are dear to me, but I had to get them out of me.

He came over to my house to watch movies with me, and I felt for the first time that I wanted to be closer to somebody. I have never wanted to "connect" with anyone before, and I recoil at being touched by anyone other than my parents. But I desperately want him to understand me, and I want to understand him. It almost pains me to be near him, knowing that he is there and I can't have him.

I wonder what he sees in me. What could a long haired Catholic school boy see in a redheaded atheist girl whose best friends are her cactus Arnold and her body pillow Herbert? What could this boy ever find worth saving in a girl who prefers movie characters to real people, who loves to dodge traffic to find an elusive hubcap, and whose mood swings come fast and unexpected?

Maybe I'm his escape. Maybe the only reason he cares for me is because I'm not of his world, a world of rules and conformity that plague almost everyone born into a society like this. I like to think that I'm his breath of fresh air.

But one day, I fear that the breath will turn sour, and he will not want anything to do with me. Perhaps one day, my antics that once amused and astounded him will bore him and he will leave, saying hollow, meaningless things like "I'm sorry", "This isn't the right time for me", or "We just wouldn't work well together". I am afraid of this day, and until then, I hope that he sees at least a sliver in me of what I see in him.

"What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good"

2009-04-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

My god it's a lovely day out. So what am I doing? Staying inside and staring at a glowing screen, feeling my brain cells trickle slowly out of my ears.

I had to babysit yesterday evening, and when I walked in the door, I was immediately tackled by their little girl and hit in the head with a nerf ball by the little boy.

"Now, Ryan has had a 104 temperature all day," said their mother, "so he'll probably just lay on the couch the whole time".

Cool with me.

*10 minutes later*

The kid is bouncing off the freaking walls. He's like, chucking dog bones at me, pulling his sister's hair, gnawing on the cat's tail... He's a god damn weapon of mass destruction!

So that was fun. I needed to flex my child-throwing muscles anyway.

In health class on Thursday, in a last ditch attempt to prevent us from screwing our brains out, we had to watch the video of a baby being born. Marvelous. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A BABY COMES OUT OF??!?!! Yeah, THAT. The whole class screamed, which would have been funny, except THERE WAS A BIRTH GOING ON ON THE HUGE PROJECTER SCREEN IN FRONT OF US.

I'm pretty sure that's going to take at least 11 therapy sessions to get over.

I went walking with Shayna today, sans Michael. I'm kind of glad she didn't invite him, because he's been real bitchy to me lately. Well, not me, but mon amour. He keeps insulting Andrew CONSTANTLY, and Andrew has NEVER said anything bad about Michael. EVER. Okay, he did call him a crybaby once, but that was only because I brought it up. And he is one.

Anyways, since I'm out of things to say, I'll just put up the top played songs on my iPod. If a song you like isn't on here, it sucks.

Top Played Songs On My iPod:

Help! ~ The Beatles
If I Fell ~ The Beatles
She Loves You ~ The Beatles
Wish You Were Here ~ Pink Floyd
I'm Looking Through You ~ The Beatles
It's Late ~ Queen
The Middle ~ Jimmy Eat World
Eleanor Rigby ~ The Beatles
For No One ~ The Beatles
The Time Warp ~ The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Below Beloved ~ Aleka's Attic
Time ~ Pink Floyd
Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young ~ Fire Inc.
Come Together ~ The Beatles
Instant Karma! (We All Shine On) ~ John Lennon
Imagine ~ John Lennon
Is It Okay If I Call You Mine ~ from Fame
Don't Trust Me ~ 3OH!3
The Church of Hot Addiction ~ Cobra Starship
Who Wants to Live Forever ~ Queen
Fat Bottomed Girls ~ Queen
Eight Days A Week ~ The Beatles
All You Need Is Love~ The Beatles
I'm Not Your Boyfriend Baby ~ 3OH!3
Moonlight Sonata ~ Beethoven

Okay, I have to go see Monsters VS Aliens now. :D

I have become comfortably numb

2009-04-01T16:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I wish that were true.

I possibly have the most obnoxious friends in the history of existence. Since I g to a different school every other day, it means I have twice (Yes, TWO TIMES AS MANY) friends to deal with.

However, this entry will only concern the flaming stupidity of the Academy kids. Sweet Hitler's handbag are they annoying.

So, two of my closest friends from there Holly and Ebony are in a fight which they think is perfectly valid, though having no solid evidence to even be mad at each other. A few months ago, Holly starting dating this guy named Andrew (bitch stole my boyfriend's name!) and has been a bit.........over-confident since.

This annoys Ebony way too much, and she's taken it out on Holly by being especially bitchy and whiny. Holly has retaliated by even MORE bitchy and whiny. And your fearless leader Molly has been dragged (kicking and screaming) into this not-even-really-a-fight.

Can anyone see the point of this? Anyone? That's what I thought! MY GOD. If they're not making snide comments on each other's appearance/ personal hygiene/ ability to handle hydrochloric acid (seriously. We use it.) they're completely ignoring each other, saying, "Molly, tell Ebony that I think her lunch looks like roadkill".

Bitch, you BEST be trippin'! Christ, I'm not they're freaking interpreter! Holy hellfire I'm THROUGH with this!

I got in a big shouting match with Ebony after Holly got on her bus because Ebony thinks that I'm taking Holly's side, which I'm NOT. Personally, I think they're both being imbeciles, but how would I know? Because, according to Ebony, I don't know ANYTHING about ANY SORT OF DRAMA, while she has been dealing with such problems of this caliber since eighth grade! Well hot damn!, I should just bow down to the all-knowing goddess of boy-drama, her almight Ebony!

Well, let's see what my humble little drama resume has on it:

My best friend dated a guy who told everyone two days in the relationship that she had given him a blow job, she forgave him; he cheated on her, she forgave him; he emotionally abused her, she forgave him. In addition to this, she was calling/texting me constantly, asking for my advice, and when I told her to dump him, she started crying and telling me that I was killing her and that she LOVED him. This cycle continued for FOUR months. I nearly failed out of school coming to her rescue every time he broke her heart. The relationship ended on a low note, but I won't tell you why.
My other friend was constantly being abused emotionally by her parents and came to me crying.
Oh, and just yesterday, my best guy friend got out of the hospital for trying to commit suicide, because I obviously couldn't help him enough.

So, don't tell ME I don't know what I'm talking about. I was furious at her. I almost kicked her in the shins.

...Now I'm all worked up. I need to go punt something small and weaker than me.

"Your soul is so dark it smudges mine"

2009-03-25T15:16:00.000-07:00

Wooo, first entry.

This is harder than I thought. It's weird writing in a new blog. It's like wearing someone else's underwear.

Anyways, to get all the new readers (and I know that there are MILLIONS of you) up to speed, this entry is going to concentrate on the fascinating topic of: ME.

Some things that you should know so when I start bitching about them, you'll know what the hell's going on:

Even though my age says I'm 15, I'm a sophomore in high school. I am just in the unfortunate situation of having a late birthday (Mid-September, mark your calenders)
I really really really dislike most people. You have NO idea.
I am preoccupied with the stupidity of people. It fascinates me, just how moronic my "peers" are.
I have the neediest friends in the world, and I'm a bit of a masochist when it comes to them. I will forgo any homework, personal problems, consuming food when it comes to helping them.
My best friend is Shayna, and she has been for two years. Her boyfriend's name is Michael.
My almost boyfriend's name is Andrew, and we have been through that complicated process of telling friends that we like them, whispering, giggling, telling each other that we like each other, making awkward eye contact, you know, all that jazz.
I go to an Academy of Science and math every other day for (you'll never guess), Math and Science. However, my forte is theater and writing. Don't get me started on why I go to a science and math school, because I don't feel like explaining it all.
I collect hubcaps, and currently have 16 hanging up in my bedroom on the walls (where else?)

That's all I can think of now. When I feel clever enough, I'll write a follow-up entry. I don't feel too well, so I'm sorry if this entry causes your brain to try to force its way out of your skull and drown itself in a bowl of soup.